“Will the defendant please rise.” I rock forward slowly and look around. Nervously I stand, open and vulnerable. “Foreman, have you reached a decision?” Time seems to slow. The intensity in each second expands. I notice everything, every little movement, every feeling. The moment has arrived. I look around at the gallery of waiting people and wonder who will be next.
Days earlier the scans were taken and now I await my fate among the many others. I wonder whether they too have the same path as I or are they here for another reason. Do they face the same question as I or do they have a different challenge ahead of them. If they have the same path will they be here next time? Will I be here next time?
People I don’t know have reviewed my scans and already know the news I am waiting to hear. I know this morning a team of surgeons, oncologists and other medical staff reviewed my case. I try not to focus on it trusting that whatever the result, this is the path I am meant to be walking.
Yet another different surgeon calls my name, consistency is not necessarily a strong point. He walks me to the tiny cell and sits at the computer. He quietly studies the screen and various pieces of paper before delivering the news. He tells me the scans look good and that they will review again in 6 months time. There is no flood of relief, which I am sure most people would expect to be the case, instead it is more a slow dawning that this time I get to have another 6 months. That is 15,778,463 seconds. I begin to ponder the usual question, “how am I going to spend those seconds?” “What am I going to do to make the most of each and everyone one of those 15,778,463 seconds?”
The answer I come up with is in question. The realisation of just how precious each one of those seconds is, adds to the intensity to which I, we, experience life. Each second is a chance to make a new experience, to feel more fully, to create a greater impact. My excitement builds and I look around at the people in the streets. I wonder if they too realise just how special each second is, or have they forgotten just how magical it is to have this moment.
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